Oslo, I'd like my prize now please.

When a large number of people, none of whom have ever done anything close to being worthy of a Nobel Peace Prize (yelling on TV doesn't count), decide that the first African-American President of the United States has done nothing to merit this prize. I would heartily beg them to reconsider. POMK.

Btw, there is no support hotline for baby troubleshooting

When people frantically contact Customer Support for their favorite Facebook game demanding help and end their e-mail by mentioning that they are pregnant with twins to stress the urgency of their situation.

That is not making me want to help you more, it is making me wonder why you care so much about a silly computer game when you should be reading a book on parenting instead. POMK.

There are worse things I can think of that also involve baseball bats.

When sports fanatics post Facebook statuses complaining about how "it's hard being married to a Yankee fan in October. Go RED SOX!" You and your spouse share a large home and beautiful children and all you have to do is bake all day and you are complaining that your marriage is HARD because you have to live with a rivaling sports fan? POMK.

Other synonyms: twit, tosser, douche nozzle

When you tweet cryptically about some yuppie-ass software so that you can feed your superiority complex despite how your already being renowned on the "interwebz" for your douchebaggery is bad enough. This is only COMPOUNDED by the fact that said program/software/who-gives-a-shit is entitled "Git." I don't know what "Git" does, nor do I care, but the fact that the WALKING DEFINITION of a "git" (git n. A pubescent kid who thinks it's totally cool to act like a moron on the Internet, only because no one can actually reach through the screen and punch their lights out.) wrote a tweet with multiple uses of the word brings the circle of irony to completion. POMK.

Submitted by Élise Dashiell.

Your self-esteem issues made me lose my lunch a bit.

People who need to constantly be reminded that models' photos are Photoshopped in order to be able to wake up in the morning and look in the mirror without crying their eyes out.

So, watching a video (seen here) that a teacher shared on Facebook—specifically for his high school students—of an average-looking girl who, after a great deal of makeup, styling, and then Photoshopping of the image, becomes billboard-model-worthy made your "self esteem grow a bit in the last minute"? First of all, how is it at all surprising to you that billboard images are Photoshopped? Second, why was your self esteem so low such that you needed a 1-minute video on YouTube geared towards teenage girls just to make yourself feel a bit better? You are an ADULT. What's worse, you are a MOTHER. Pull yourself together before your baby starts to develop self-esteem issues, too. Or if she does, let's hope she at least doesn't advertise them on Facebook. POMK.

He'll gladly photograph you sleeping at home, also.

When a certain person thinks he will earn the adulation of his peers for his creativity and quick wit by taking pictures of people sleeping on the train and/or taking up an extra seat during his daily commute, then posting said pictures to his "Caltrain Douchebag" photo album on Facebook. I'm sorry, there's only one douchebag on this train, and it's the dude taking pictures of strangers. POMK.

Make sure you don't die on Superbowl Sunday

When someone's Facebook status reads that he just found out Patrick Swayze died and that he's so out of the loop, and a friend leaves a comment saying "R u serious? And Cal lost to USC yesterday big time if u didnt know".

A football loss is on par with death, apparently. POMK.

Internal Memo: I vote in the negative.

When law students sign their name with "J.D. Candidate" pretending like they need to do something more than pay money to get their degrees. PhD candidates need to make significant contributions to a field before they get their diploma. JD students only need to attend class. Good thing, otherwise your JD "candidacy" would never end. Quit trying to find respect where it doesn't exist. I'm sorry you suck at life, but it isn't cute when you beg. POMK.

Submitted by Matthew Pawn.

It'd be kind of awkward if I won, anyway.

When a certain female you used to date and are now trying to avoid because everything she says makes you want to puke on the nearest available keyboard does not realize you are blocking her on gChat and includes you in a mass email asking you to enter a male beauty pageant. How much effort does it require you to realize I may not join a beauty contest that you are judging and remove me from your email list? POMK.

Maybe you could bribe me for sympathy by buying me an iPhone.

When everyone knows you've been unemployed for almost a year and collecting government aid and you've whined to all your friends for months about how hard it is to have no job and be living with your parents but you still have the audacity to post photos of your recent vacation as well as brag about the new MacBook Pro you bought all over your status updates. Yes, the economy is shit right now, but I happen to know that others in your industry were able to find new work immediately after getting laid off, so why haven't you? Could it be because you are too busy using your unemployment money to travel the country and shop online for shiny, overpriced electronics? POMK.