Now my keyboard and my brain need to be cleansed.

When a person uses Facebook as a vehicle to "complain" about the fact that showering with her husband saves neither water nor time and both her mother-in-law and my weird ex "like" it and then proceed to comment upon how great marital showering is. POMK.

Submitted by Élise Dashiell.

Objection: counsel is rubbing his gums with a stick

When your company's general counsel insists on a daily ritual taking place after lunch in which he strokes his gums using a stick with a rubber point (called a "gum stimulator") in full view of the entire office. As he moves the stick in and around his mouth, reaching into all sorts of disgusting crevices, one wonders, is it really not enough that this man, a lawyer, ruins countless lives on a daily basis, but he must also treat us all as if we were a bathroom mirror? You would have thought someone who cared this much about dental hygiene would have maybe worried just a tad about his soul, especially when he entered the legal profession. Sir, for those hard to reach places where plaque builds up, have you considered a good rinsing of formaldehyde? POMK.

Doctor Ambiguity, MD to the rescue

When people reference some sort of illness they currently have via Facebook status without elaborating on what it is, leaving a number of breathless idiots to nervously comment, "hehe r u ok?" while the rest of us pray it is not swine flu and that we don't have to see this person within the next three weeks. POMK.