Objection: counsel is rubbing his gums with a stick

When your company's general counsel insists on a daily ritual taking place after lunch in which he strokes his gums using a stick with a rubber point (called a "gum stimulator") in full view of the entire office. As he moves the stick in and around his mouth, reaching into all sorts of disgusting crevices, one wonders, is it really not enough that this man, a lawyer, ruins countless lives on a daily basis, but he must also treat us all as if we were a bathroom mirror? You would have thought someone who cared this much about dental hygiene would have maybe worried just a tad about his soul, especially when he entered the legal profession. Sir, for those hard to reach places where plaque builds up, have you considered a good rinsing of formaldehyde? POMK.

I can't find that e-mail you told me to forward.

When you ask me to, if I "have a minute", forward an e-mail to your former—and my current—employer, because you "can't find her email address" and when said e-mail is asking her to write a letter to the state university where you attended a post-bac program, to testify that the training you received in that program helped you excel at your profession. It is true that it takes less than a minute to hit the Forward button but at the same time I find it entirely false to suggest that a career-enhancing post-bac program should not face closure if it can't even train you the simple practice of not losing the contact information of a former employer. I am pretty sure that such programs, if they are doing what tax payers expect them to do, should teach you that it might be wise to hold on to the contact information of your former employers so you can use them as references, or at the very least teach you how to perform a simple Google search to acquire said contact information from your former employer's website. Rather than suggesting to the university that they not cut the program you attended, I would suggest that you acquire these very simple and cost-free skills; that is, if in the event that you ever decide you don't want to be unemployed anymore. POMK.

Hard to stop puking on my keyboard

Managers who signal to their employees that a decision is final by appending it with the phrase "Hard stop." As in, "We're not negotiating with them at those prices. Hard stop." Because there's no better way to signal you have absolutely no way to justify your actions and are completely clueless than to utter, "Hard stop." POMK.

Btw, there is no support hotline for baby troubleshooting

When people frantically contact Customer Support for their favorite Facebook game demanding help and end their e-mail by mentioning that they are pregnant with twins to stress the urgency of their situation.

That is not making me want to help you more, it is making me wonder why you care so much about a silly computer game when you should be reading a book on parenting instead. POMK.

Really?

When people in the workplace say "It is what it is." No, it's just your personal shortcomings. POMK.