Mommy's breast milk tastes yucky.

When your husband has to leave town due to a family emergency and you announce in your Facebook status that you have "prepared for five days alone with the children by going to the grocery store and stocking up on wine." POMK.

Postscript: That in the amount of time it took me to write this entry, 2 additional people have "liked" this status, bringing the total "likes" count to 7 in the span of less than an hour since the status update was posted. POMK again.

Here are some Sharpies. Go draw on Mommy's kitchen walls.

When you let your toddler type for you as you are posting on my Facebook wall and then instead of deleting the gibberish that one would expect to come from a toddler's hands getting a hold of a keyboard, you opt to post said gibberish on my wall anyway. And then you take it a step further by—instead of realizing your mistake and saving yourself from public humiliation by immediately deleting the nonsensical post—posting an addendum announcing to the world that you gave your toddler access to Facebook in the first place. If you're not going to replace my puke-covered keyboard, please at least stop cluttering my Facebook wall. POMK.

Btw, there is no support hotline for baby troubleshooting

When people frantically contact Customer Support for their favorite Facebook game demanding help and end their e-mail by mentioning that they are pregnant with twins to stress the urgency of their situation.

That is not making me want to help you more, it is making me wonder why you care so much about a silly computer game when you should be reading a book on parenting instead. POMK.

Your self-esteem issues made me lose my lunch a bit.

People who need to constantly be reminded that models' photos are Photoshopped in order to be able to wake up in the morning and look in the mirror without crying their eyes out.

So, watching a video (seen here) that a teacher shared on Facebook—specifically for his high school students—of an average-looking girl who, after a great deal of makeup, styling, and then Photoshopping of the image, becomes billboard-model-worthy made your "self esteem grow a bit in the last minute"? First of all, how is it at all surprising to you that billboard images are Photoshopped? Second, why was your self esteem so low such that you needed a 1-minute video on YouTube geared towards teenage girls just to make yourself feel a bit better? You are an ADULT. What's worse, you are a MOTHER. Pull yourself together before your baby starts to develop self-esteem issues, too. Or if she does, let's hope she at least doesn't advertise them on Facebook. POMK.

Let the record show you are a douchebag

When mommybloggers [S.B.] waste the time of our courts by bringing frivolous libel claims against bloggers [M.M.] who disagree with them. What are the damages there, S.B.? That M.M. brought MORE traffic to your blog, more than you could ever imagine? That she hurt your feelings? I hope not only are you laughed out of court, but that you will have to pay M.M.'s attorney's fees (oh yes, that is a possibility; you mean your lawyer didn't inform you of it?? what a shocker!)

Maybe next time you write that sex is way more important than parenting (with details about your "cumming" habits) on your public FAMILY blog, consider that people out there are going to talk shit about you.

Oh yeah and the part where you outed M.M.'s identity to the world including her full name, city of residence and email addresses so that your minions could dig up all kinds of dirt on her? That was a class act right there.

POMK over and over again.

Maybe you should have spent less time on Facebook.

Stay-at-home parents who spend more time updating their Facebook statuses to tell the world what bad parents they are than they spend actually parenting their children. I fail to see how posting that you're in the hospital with yet another sick child or that you are "feeling like the worst parent in the world right now" is at all constructive, unless you think that your mommy group friends turning their backs on their children to get on their computers and reassure you that you're not a bad parent somehow magically makes you a better parent after all. Here's some advice: It doesn't.

Even if one of those friends posts a novella-length anecdotal response about how she accidentally dropped her daughter onto the ground head-first that concludes with "I'm gonna call the child protective services and turn myself in now". POMK.