Hard to stop puking on my keyboard

Managers who signal to their employees that a decision is final by appending it with the phrase "Hard stop." As in, "We're not negotiating with them at those prices. Hard stop." Because there's no better way to signal you have absolutely no way to justify your actions and are completely clueless than to utter, "Hard stop." POMK.

Have a safe Halloween! Just make sure you don't run into me.

When people wish their friends a "safe Halloween" or "safe holiday season". Some well wishing sentiments are kind, and some are condescending. This fits in to the latter category.

If in fact your friend is in danger of having an unsafe Halloween, you are being a douchebag by pointing it out to her entire friends list. Plus, I doubt your status comment is going to pop into her mind in the middle of the party. If you really cared about your friend, maybe you should hang out with her and supervise her all night, you patronizing asshole.

If your friend is not the drinking/partying type and is probably going to stay in and watch movies, why are you saying this? Is it because using tool-like expressions have become so commonplace that people just write without thinking? Somebody save me. POMK.

Lunchtime Intolerables Hour

When a certain person thinks he is being very clever by alerting his friends he will be unavailable due to "Lunchtime Consumables Hour," a phrase apparently deriving from his native language of Douche, or perhaps Welsh, which translates to, roughly, "I'm going to spend the next 35 minutes jerking myself off in the broom closet while you destroy your personal computer with cascades of vomit."

Thanks, D-bag, you just ruined my Lunchtime Consumables Hour. Someone please do something about my keyboard. And the broom closet. POMK.

Indeed, you are worthy of a swift blow to the groin.

When people say "indeed" in place of "you're welcome". They are not synonymous. Whereas "you're welcome" is being polite, "indeed" is in fact code for "Look at me, I'm a douchebag!" and those are not the same. POMK.

Might as well throw my biscuits, too.

People over the age of 18 who use the word "jam" to refer to a loosely organized gathering of aspiring hipsters and their musical instruments. Please get a job. POMK.

Really?

When people in the workplace say "It is what it is." No, it's just your personal shortcomings. POMK.