Why doesn't anyone think about ME?

When you write on a new mother's Facebook wall (who just had a baby one day before) and inquire in a rude mess of caps and lowercase as to why YOU DIDN'T get the EMAIL with the baby's picture!?!?!? Then, you say that You GOT NOTHING!!! and demand that she SEND YOU a detailed email about EVERYTHING.


Well, Brett Favre wants to come.

When in addition to threatening to report a Facebook event for being "sadistic" (see: "Wee-oo, wee-oo. The event police are here."), the same person's boyfriend, invited to the event out of courtesy, sends a rambling, incoherent private message to the event creator expounding upon such a wide variety of topics as his personal opinion of contemporary art, the problems of the world, and Brett Favre.

You know that little link under your invitation that says "Remove from my events"? Yeah, you're free to click that if you don't want to be part of the event. No need to loose the Crazy Patrol on us. POMK.

Results also show that you are 100% douchebag.

When one of those "tally your 'friends'" apps on Facebook reveals that 100% of your friends belong to the same political party that you do, because you defriend anyone who disagrees with your beliefs. POMK.

Wee-oo, wee-oo. The event police are here.

When a certain person, who should feel lucky to even be invited to such things, within 10 minutes of receiving an invitation to said event via Facebook, angrily proclaims to the person who invited her that she takes exception to his beautifully crafted event description, calling it "sadistic" and threatening to report it to Facebook for abuse. The reason? The text in the invitation, which was CLOSED to everyone except the eight friends invited ("friend" is a strong word after this incident), contained language about beating a show attendee until their face resembled a Monet. The event was an art show. And it was a joke.

Hop on board the clue train, white people. It might leave without you.


It sucks that they don't get Thanksgiving off in the UK.

When people would rather showcase their cultural ignorance on a Facebook status than do a simple Google search to actually learn something outside of their own little bubble. For example, posting "[Redacted] is wondering why so many school children aren't in school today. Is there some odd local holiday I don't know about???" is not nearly as productive as doing some quick research to reveal to yourself that today is in fact YOM KIPPUR, which is not some odd local holiday but in fact considered the holiest day of the year for people of Jewish faith. I bet you feel silly now! POMK.

Doctor Ambiguity, MD to the rescue

When people reference some sort of illness they currently have via Facebook status without elaborating on what it is, leaving a number of breathless idiots to nervously comment, "hehe r u ok?" while the rest of us pray it is not swine flu and that we don't have to see this person within the next three weeks. POMK.

Let the record show you are a douchebag

When mommybloggers [S.B.] waste the time of our courts by bringing frivolous libel claims against bloggers [M.M.] who disagree with them. What are the damages there, S.B.? That M.M. brought MORE traffic to your blog, more than you could ever imagine? That she hurt your feelings? I hope not only are you laughed out of court, but that you will have to pay M.M.'s attorney's fees (oh yes, that is a possibility; you mean your lawyer didn't inform you of it?? what a shocker!)

Maybe next time you write that sex is way more important than parenting (with details about your "cumming" habits) on your public FAMILY blog, consider that people out there are going to talk shit about you.

Oh yeah and the part where you outed M.M.'s identity to the world including her full name, city of residence and email addresses so that your minions could dig up all kinds of dirt on her? That was a class act right there.

POMK over and over again.

GO get a life.

How on weekends during college football season, my entire Facebook news feed is a series of status updates cheering/whining about college football teams for schools that my acquaintances don't even attend anymore. It gets worse when said teams are losing because suddenly the status "GO [insert college mascot here]!" is replaced by "My life is over!", "The coach should be FIRED!", or "My heart aches because the [insert college mascot here] are losing." POMK.

St. James would sting himself to death if he heard this.

When people not only try to drive restaurant owners out of business by being Internet trolls (see: "Thank you for your business."), but do so based on an erroneous knowledge of shellfish anatomy. Please read the following article before posting your incoherent hate.

You will see that a scallop, being a shelled animal, does not need a barb to attack enemies. POMK.

Might as well throw my biscuits, too.

People over the age of 18 who use the word "jam" to refer to a loosely organized gathering of aspiring hipsters and their musical instruments. Please get a job. POMK.

New money, ugh

When you spend $5000 on your engagement photoshoot and your outfit of choice is a paisley mu-mu. POMK.

Maybe you should have spent less time on Facebook.

Stay-at-home parents who spend more time updating their Facebook statuses to tell the world what bad parents they are than they spend actually parenting their children. I fail to see how posting that you're in the hospital with yet another sick child or that you are "feeling like the worst parent in the world right now" is at all constructive, unless you think that your mommy group friends turning their backs on their children to get on their computers and reassure you that you're not a bad parent somehow magically makes you a better parent after all. Here's some advice: It doesn't.

Even if one of those friends posts a novella-length anecdotal response about how she accidentally dropped her daughter onto the ground head-first that concludes with "I'm gonna call the child protective services and turn myself in now". POMK.

Sorry ladies, he's taken!

When you proposition girls for anal sex over gchat. POMK.

Thank you for your business.

When people have nothing better to do than begin an Internet crusade to drive a small business owner out of business after they had one poor dining experience, including opening a Yelp account solely for the purpose of writing an essay-length tirade against the place. Waiters and cooks suffer when you get your revenge, bitch. POMK

Your stork must have brought you a bag of douche.

When I found out about the birth of my new nephew-in-law via the omni-presence of an uninvolved relative on my Facebook news feed. Way to steal the new parents' thunder on that one. POMK.


When people in the workplace say "It is what it is." No, it's just your personal shortcomings. POMK.

The POMK that launched a thousand shits (aka: this site)

When law students use class time to engage in even nerdier law related activities, like reading from the New England First Amendment Center's blog. 'Cause class just wasn't enough for you. POMK.